Gemma Carey Harrison – where to start to tell you about my wonderful, beautiful daughter. Perhaps the beginning is the best place. Gemma’s beginning was on Saturday April 9th 1983 at about 3.45 pm at Ashford Hospital. Gemma started her life living in Feltham with her dad and me, she attended Bishop Perrin school and we moved to Whitton when she was about 7 just after Mike was born. Gem joined the brownies and came to Sunday school here and it was about this time that she started saying she would like to learn piano. She also started to take drama lessons and as a result became something of a name on the drama festival circuit as the one to watch and the one to beat! At this time her brother who was just about four years old also began to take an active interest in performing – in fact he never stopped – so he too began to take drama lessons and I can’t tell you what a thrill it was to see them both appear on stage together winning gold medals. Mike’s passion for the performing arts has led him to pursue a career in that field and I think he can thank his sister for influencing him in that direction all those years ago. After Bishop Perrin Gemma went to Whitton School and it was also at this time that she started to sing in the choir here at St Augustines. Gemma had a lovely sweet natural soprano voice that brought pleasure to many people. Because of Gemmas aptitude at the piano she was encouraged to learn the organ and at the age of only 14 and 15 years old my daughter was actually playing for weddings and services here at the church. Don’t get me wrong though – she may have had the voice and musical ability of an angel but she certainly didn’t always behave like one, particularly during her teens. Gem was very affected when Alan and I divorced and although I strived to maintain a sense of security and continuity in our lives she found it tough and in many ways kicked against it. I am sure Mike well remembers some famous mother/daughter rows with doors slamming, hormones raging and feelings running high. Gemma probably didn’t appreciate quite how talented she was and lacked the passion to really pursue these skills. Once she left Whitton there was a restlessness about her and she didn’t really have her heart set on any one thing. In fact Gemmas life has been likened more than once to that of a butterfly, always flitting from one thing to another and never staying long before flying off again. The one thing though that she did often talk about was teaching but the three years studying typically put her off – but she was still talking about doing her teacher training recently whilst she was in hospital. But more about that later. After sixth form college Gem went to work at Feltham Young Offenders doing a training course where she mentored young men of about her own age. I was always hugely impressed that whilst most of her friends were probably getting wildly drunk at university, she was engaged in this very worthwhile and mature work. (Not that she wasn’t spending some of her time getting wildly drunk) But Gem got itchy feet again and moved on – she followed her father into the airline industry at Heathrow – but then at the age of only 20 she had her first experience of working as a funeral arranger originally for Lodge Bros and once again I was amazed that someone so young was dealing with people at their most vulnerable with such compassion, maturity and competence. Still unsure of what she wanted to do Gem went back to work for BA for a while but soon gravitated back to the caring work of a funeral arranger this time with Co-operative Funeralcare where she stayed employed until her death although was unable to work for many months due to her illness. I know from what people have told me that she did her job with real professionalism, and I am so immensely proud of that and the value and high regard her employers had for her is reflected today in the superb job they are doing for her and by the many friends and colleagues here. And so the last year or so of Gems life – well she had met Adam whilst working at Funercare and was planning a future with him – they set up home together in Hook and should have been married on July 25th this year. It is a special memory for me that just before Christmas, even though she was very unwell, Gem and I went to try and find her wedding dress just to get some idea and funnily enough the very first one she tried on was THE one! I will be forever grateful that I had an opportunity to see her standing in that beautiful dress in the shop – so statuesque and graceful – despite the trainers she was wearing underneath the dress! However, her health continued to deteriorate and she was finally re-admitted to hospital on Friday February 5th – little did we know then that she wouldn’t be leaving that hospital until April 8th the day before her 27th birthday. There began for Gemma and all of us who supported her a very bleak time – weeks and weeks of tests, tubes, monitors, needles, endless procedures, surgery, intensive care – and all the time Gemma just wasn’t getting better and no-one knew why, yet deep in my heart I sensed that something was seriously wrong. I do not want to dwell on those days too much here – suffice to say it was a dreadful time and yet Gemma continued to be brave and cheerful convinced at that time that she could get better. There was a sweet naivety about her and when we received the diagnosis the words ‘terminal’ and ‘cancer’ just bounced off her – in her mind she was after all only 26 and had her whole life ahead of her. Gemma endured many other procedures and spent time at Woking Hospice and a further spell back in hospital with complications. Once again we had the vigil in intensive care and yet time and again when doctors were shaking their heads at me that remarkable young woman pulled through and defied many odds. In fact she outlived her predicted time by four months because Gemma was only going to go when Gemma was ready. She always was a most determined single minded and stubborn young lady – I’ve no idea where she got those qualities from! In the end I was soo lucky, privileged and honoured to be able to care for my daughter in our own home – and whilst I could make sure she had her tablets, I could wash and dress her and hug her I couldn’t make her better and that tore me apart I mentioned that I would return to the teaching reference and what I want to say about that is that in the end it turned out that Gemma didn’t need any degrees to qualify her as a teacher. During her life and particularly during her illness she taught so many people so many things – things that can’t be studied for. She taught qualities such as patience, stoicism, serenity, politeness and graciousness. I learned so much about my daughter during those final special weeks. Most of all she taught that its not the circumstances in your life that matter but its how you respond to those circumstances. Everyone who came into contact with her was captivated by her gentle sweet nature, and her exquisite manners. Gemma was the only person I ever saw in the hospital who would actually thank medical staff for hurting her when doing a procedure! She had absolutely no sides with anyone and would treat everyone as if it made her day to see them. She always found the time to ask people how they were despite her having the worst days imaginable. Throughout her illness Gemma never once complained, never once allowed herself any self pity or anger, she totally accepted her illness and let it take her. A real lesson to us all in courage, tolerance and serene resignation. This was no battleground with her fighting the cancer foe – as time went on she knew she couldn’t be cured and in the most tranquil and inspiring way, totally went with the flow. So Gem – you needn’t ever have worried about doing any studying – you were the most natural teacher. Gemma, with her perfect manners wanted me to say thank you to some special people and so on her behalf – to all the medical staff who cared for her and particularly to the community palliative care team at Sam Beare and Woking Hospices – especially to Lesley our specialist nurse, to the district nursing team especially Margaret and Anna and to our GP’s who provided such a responsive and accessible service and to everyone who helped me make her as comfortable as possible. The service that Gemma and I received in the community was exceptional. Thank You. To all friends and well wishers who said prayers, lit candles, had good thoughts for Gem and I over the months. Your support was truly comforting and Gem and I often spoke of feeling cradled in this invisible cocoon of healing thoughts. So Thank You. To my own friends who made sure I could carry on feeling normal in an abnormal situation - most of all my dearest best friend Sue – who as Gems godmother supported me through some of the darkest days of my life. accompanying me to the hospital, sitting with me holding my hand whilst Gem was in intensive care and for always being there so selflessly. Gemma loved you so much .Thank You. To my mum and sisters who have all felt so powerless and yet have all wanted to do so much – the impact of Gems illness has ripped through our family like a tornado, but I know we will all emerge stronger, closer and with an inspired and wiser perspective on life due to the fact that we have had Gemma in our lives. Thank you for being there for us. To Mike who loved his sister so much and struggled so hard to come to terms with her illness. Thank you for being the best brother she could have wished for and for being such a wonderful son. And a special mention to Ashley, Gem’s older half brother for always looking out for her. To Richard for his support and the way in which he uncomplainingly accommodated Gem in our home and for the lovely relationship he shared with her. And on behalf of Gemma I need to mention pancreatic cancer. Most people don’t know where the pancreas is let alone what it does and yet this cancer is the fifth biggest killer in the UK with one of the poorest prognosis and only a five year predicted survival rate. These statistics haven’t changed for 40 years because pancreatic cancer only receives a fraction of the funding into research, early intervention and diagnosis than some of the other cancers. It is silent and deadly and time and again I was told that 27 year old healthy young women don’t get it – but they do and anything that can be done to avoid this happening to other people will be a fitting legacy for Gem. And finally I would like to encourage everyone here to join us at The Winning Post to raise a glass to Gemma. Our Gemma was a fun loving party girl and would want to see you all there. Gemma told me she wanted no sadness today – just fun, laughter, colour, balloons, music and flowers. A vibrant day for a vibrant, exceptional young woman with the sweetest soul, the most generous heart and the biggest blue eyes. We may not be able to see Gemma anymore but I don’t feel as if we have lost her – after all you cannot lose someone when you know where they are. And for me, Mike. Alan and everyone who loved her – we know where she is. She is in our hearts and that’s where she will stay forever. So the final Thank you goes to Gem for being our wonderful beautiful courageous daughter, sister, granddaughter, niece, step daughter, step sister, god daughter, friend. Gemma Carey Harrison. You have been so cherished and I love you always and will miss you every second of every day.