A year without Gemma The sun doesn’t shine quite as bright anymore and the days seem long and endless – the whole purpose and meaning of life has shifted and changed like a kaleidoscope pattern moving into a different shape. The world looks the same but is somehow not – it seems to me that I stand behind a net curtain and observe life going on around me and although I laugh and joke and am seemingly getting on with things I have a dead weight in my heart that never goes away. I miss her with every fibre of my being, I miss the smell of her hair, the sound of her voice and her laughter – I miss her silly ways, her carefree attitude to life and living – I miss the very essence of her. And yet I know deep down it is that essence – that presence of Gemma that is still here with all of us for nothing can take away those memories. They are sacred and precious. Our love for her and her love for us, her family and friends, is part of us. Although life is changed beyond recognition without her I feel such pride in the fact that Gem is still touching people’s lives and that so many positive wonderful things have happened and continue to happen in her name. The huge fundraising event we held in December was a real testament to her memory as well as the fact that £4,000 was raised for pancreatic cancer – some of her friends have done amazing feats in her memory – the Grim Challenge and the London Marathon. The magazine article that highlighted her story earlier in the year was another way in which her name and memory were remembered. And the Richmond Drama Festival now has a new award - the Gemma Harrison Memorial Trophy which will be presented each year to a young performer who creates the most memorable performance during the festival. And just last week I heard from an old school friend of Gem’s who is getting married later this month and who is using Pancreatic Cancer UK gifts as wedding favours in memory of Gem - and so it goes on – Gemma is flitting amongst us and is continuing to inspire and new memories are being made in her name. Her influence endures in the glowing consequences of her character; it endures in our own actions and thoughts. We remember her as a living, vital presence. And it is that memory that every now and then lifts the net curtain I stand behind and shows me glimpses of the real world again – it is that memory that sometimes lets the sun shine through like a refreshing light and balm for my heart – it is Gemma – ever present and always there. I love you so much Gem and am so lucky and privileged to have been your mum. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx